Do I live in Pennsylvania? No. I do not. In fact I live over 500 miles away and yet the words of a representative there struck a major nerve for me. Partially because I know that decisions in one state will undoubtably filter out to other areas of the country, but mainly because the words of Representative Wendy Ullman made me remember a very sad moment in my life. She said that my miscarriage was “just some mess on a napkin“.
I Allowed Representative Wendy Ullman To Ruin My Day
I’ve found that my life is much happier not discussing political issues. I avoid it on social media and on this blog. It’s easier that way. I don’t have to get into fights with people from behind a computer screen. It’s painful to become emotionally involved in something that I cannot change. I cannot change how another person feels. Nor should I try to. However, I’ve chosen to selfishly be emotionally involved in an issue that truly effects me. It’s part of me. It’s my story. It’s what I’ve been through and I have every right to share my experiences.
I Had A Miscarriage
August of 2018 changed my life. I experienced a loss unlike anything I’ve ever known. At 10 weeks pregnant I was told there was no heartbeat. The heartbeat that had been there just mere weeks earlier was gone. I had a miscarriage. What followed was a blur. There was a D and C procedure and then a planned family vacation just two days later. I didn’t really have time to grieve. The next 6 months was a very dark time for me. But one thing made the pain easier.
Just before the D and C
I’m forever thankful to the hospital that took care of us and would recommend it to anyone. It’s a place that truly cares about of of its patients. This hospital had a contract with a funeral home. They took our darkest day and made a cherished memory when the nurse explained that this was our child and not medical waste. She told me not to worry and that a funeral home came on certain days of the week to pick up all the babies. Then she shared with me her feelings that it was comforting to think of the babies all going to heaven together. And it was. I wish that I could say that I only experienced the one miscarriage. Sadly there was another less than a year later, in April of 2019. Perhaps one day I’ll be more open to share about that experience.
In regards to the whole mess on a napkin and whether or not hospitals should provide care to grieving parents… people can argue back and forth all they want. But they need to remember that there is always more than just one side to a shape. These decisions will always cause pain to someone. May those who fight for these decisions never have to experience the pain of loss and may they always be met with compassion.
Just Some Mess On A Napkin
Representative Wendy Ullman, you’ve now apologized for your ‘poor choice of words‘ when you said that a miscarriage is “just some mess on a napkin”. You ruined my day and I felt the need to tell you so. You made me think upon the darkest day and hurt knowing that there are people out there who feel the way you do. That my baby wasn’t a baby. That a hospital shouldn’t provide its patients with this type of care. That my rights as a woman aren’t important.
I believe there truly is room in this life for forgiveness, but what you do and say after apologizing will ultimately determine if you are indeed sorry. Please remember that. And I’ll remember not to allow someone else to ruin my day. Because there is power in that and I have that power.